Now that I have learned I am not, I'm left with mixed emotions. I was full of worry and anxiety, wondering if I would be able to give my girls the attention they needed while I was pregnant and then moreso, after the baby was born. What if it was twins again? How would we cope with the care and finance? Would the girls still love me as much or would they just want to be with each other and forget about mommy? We have two precious, healthy girls -- am I tempting fate with another baby? Should I just be happy with what we've been blessed with?
Inside all the worry and anxiety, there was a glimmer of excitement. I was decorating the nursery already. I was thinking of names and birth signs. The baby would have been Aries, like me. Boy or girl? A positive feeling that my husband and I would have made it work and come together for our family.
We're not actively trying, but I am left to wonder "what if"?